Diary of an Inherently Flawed Team

My column from today's paper:
Why this year's Duke Blue Devils never had a chance

It doesn't happen often, but it did Saturday. I guess college basketball experts and blind squirrels have that in common; they both find success on occasion.
They said Duke was too reliant on the outside shot - that one day, when the bombs weren't falling with quite so much frequency, the Blue Devils would struggle to compensate.And sure enough, on a day when the basket must have looked an awful lot like a pinhole to fellows named Scheyer, Paulus and Nelson, the Blue Devils had no answer. Fifteen straight misses from downtown left the Blue Devils looking about as comfortable as a vegan in a meat-packing plant.

They said Duke couldn't survive without an inside presence - that the day would come when they would need to stop the bleeding with easy buckets from the paint.And when that day did indeed come, Duke had positively no one to turn to. When the Blue Devils seemingly couldn't hit the broad side of a barn from anywhere beyond ten feet out, they couldn't even muster the muscle to break down that imaginary barrier and try something different. Meanwhile, Mountaineer Joe Alexander provided the perfect contrast at the other end, shoving right in Duke's face the very type of player it could have used.
They said Duke didn't have enough intensity on defense.This was never more apparent than it was Saturday, as the submissive Blue Devils waved their arms like bullfighters while the West Virginia ball-handlers breezed by.
They said Duke couldn't rebound.
And in an event surely orchestrated by the mocking college basketball gods, the Blue Devils surrendered 11 rebounds to a reserve guard who stood only 6-foot-2. The final tally saw Duke outrebounded 47-27.
They said a lot of things, almost all of which came to fruition yesterday. Rarely have the talking heads in the world of sports media been so right. And rarely has such a smart guy like Coach K been so wrong.
This Duke team didn't lose because it had an off game, and it didn't lose due to simple errors in execution. This team lost because it was built the wrong way from the start.
It lost because driving and dishing, while a fundamental element of any good team, can only take you so far. Especially when it's all you've got.
Taking after the NBA's Phoenix Suns - a team, by the way, which acknowledged the limitations of its old high-flying style when it traded for Shaq - Krzyzewski tried to flip basketball logic on its head.
Some people, you see, have this crazy notion that buckets are actually easier to come by when you shoot them from closer to the hoop. Coach K didn't buy into any of that nonsense.
Unfortunately for the folks in Durham, plain old reason is undefeated. And Duke is anything but.

The Great Beatles Slaughter of 2008

Idol kicks things off with a restrospective informing us that The Beatles were, in fact, pretty huge. The sad thing is that this seems to be breaking news to most of the show’s audience.

Amanda Overmyer
“Back in the USSR”
Is this even capable of singing without crouching over and assuming the hunchback position? No surprise here: the same vocals for the same rocker-type song. This time she seems even more annoying than usual. Really, she seems to shouting more than singing. It is well past time to give her the boot.
2 out of 5
Randy: Had some problems with it. Called it “pitchy,” gives her 7 out of 10.
Paula: A little sketchy at first, timing was off. “Quintessential, authentic, who you are.”
Simon: “It was predictable, a bit of a mess in parts. It’s the same thing week after week after week.”
Didn’t need the arms raised, armpit-stubble revealing moments of triumph afterward.

Kristy Lee Cook
“You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away” — She picked it solely based on the title (had never heard it).
First off, what is she wearing? Cause from my view, it looks like the sort of black sequin dress that befitting a go-go dancer.She took the beginning melody out of the song with her arrangement, .then tried to make it upbeat. Seems to have a serious misunderstanding of the song. That was seriously bad. Again.
1.5 out of 5
Randy: “A little boring a little safe. Not even sure you were singing the melody and chorus right.”
Paula: “It’s the best you’ve ever looked…Take some more liberties.”
Simon: “I think you need hypnosis — You are not a good performer.” Calls it “musical wallpaper; you don’t notice it.”
The Beatles thing is new to me, she says afterward.

David Archuleta
“The Long and Winding Road”
Crap. The good Archuleta is back.
Nothing mind-blowing, but clearly better than the rest. And with that, he retakes his seat on the throne. He should win this thing.
4 out of 5
Randy: “David Archuleta brought the hotness back to the game tonight.’
Paula: “The purity of who you are and what you do is very identifiable… That challenge (of coming back) doesn’t build character, it reveals your character.”
Simon: “You were amazing. That was a master class.”

Michael Johns
“A Day in the Life”
He is really good, and it is starting to come through again. With any luck, he can overtake The Chosen One. More than enough to keep him around.
3.5 out of 5
Randy: “Wasn’t one of your good ones, baby.”
Paula: “You’ve got to raise your game.”
Simon: “The long and short of it was that is was a mess. You didn’t hit the right notes, the song went all over the place. You have got to start sorting yourself out.”
After dedicating the song to his dead friend, became significantly less likable. This sympathy mugging has to stop.

Brooke White
“Here Comes the Sun”
3 out of 5
Not as good as last week, but alright. Sticks to the standard interpretation, preventing any calamities. Inherently flawed, nothing memorable, but she’s not going anywhere just yet.
Randy: “That was really awkward for me. It never gelled together.”
Paula: “You can’t help but smile watching you.”
Simon: “I thought the performance was terrible, from the horrible dancing to the absolute lack of conviction.”
Brooke then agrees with all the critiques, admitting that it was shaky.

David Cook
“Daytripper” — the Whitesnake version
An extremely atypical performance for American Idol; loud and brash and in-your-face. He is really getting caught up in the rock star thing. The talk box thing didn’t really work, I thought. Tons of energy, though. He is my horse and I have no choice but to back him.
3.5 out of 5
Randy: “Another solid look for David Cook, I love it.”
Paula: “You’re ready to go sell records.”
Simon: “I don’t think that was as good as you thought it was. You looked a bit smug throughout. And I thought the coda in the middle was a bit stupid. You’ve lost your element of surprise, a bit.”

Carly Smithson
“Blackbird”
4.5 out of 5
She is the pro among this group. She is clearly the best and there is really nothing more to say. This slower ballad just proved even further that she has range to go along with her pipes. If there is any justice whatsoever in this show, she will win.
Randy: “Another great performance. Very nice. Very cool.”
Paula: “A capital F for fantastic.”
Simon: “Thought the song was indulgent.”

Jason Castro
“Michelle”
Kind of a sleep performance, if that makes any sense. Picked things up as the tune went on, but he remains the prototypical middle-of-the-road guy. He will hang around for a while, but definitely won’t win.
3 out of 5
Randy: “It was just alright for me. I didn’t feel like you connected with it that much.”
Paula: “It was a little uncomfortable for me. It was an intimate song that almost became a polka.”
Simon: “You’re very charming and you’re not obnoxious. You’re goofiness kind of makes it work, because it if I were just listening to that song on the radio, I would turn it off.”

Syesha Mercado (with straightened hair)
“Yesterday”
3.5 out of 5
Back on track after last week’s subpar showing. Would have liked it more if she kept the whole thing low key instead of coming with the belting, but it was subtle enough to work. Pretty good.
Randy: “Very, very, very good performance.”
Paula: “You let yourself be very vulnerable. And that is where you need to be.”
Simon: “Probably your best performance so far. It wasn’t incredible, but you chose the best song.” Liked the Eva Cassidy-type arrangement.

Chikezie Eze
“I’ve Just Seen a Face”
2.5 out of 5
Probably the only contestant who truly seems to get better every week. Too bad he started miles behind the field.
Never mind, I take back what I said about him getting better. Ugggh. That harmonica is not doing him any favors, nor is this country arrangement. Should have kept it slow or come up with a better way to bridge the two halves. He is in danger.
Randy: Liked the fast part, not the slow part. Though the harmonica was weird.
Paula: “I loved it. You did it again.”
Simon: “Thought it started off OK, and then you played the harmonica, which was a little bit atrocious. And then it turns into Achy Breaky Heart at the end. Not a song to be proud of. Thought it was gimmicky.”

Ramiele Malubay
“I Should Have Known Better”
Seems forced and robotic, though she got more comfortable as song went on. It is becoming increasingly hard to take your eyes off the 65 metric tons of lip gloss she wears each week. Needs to stick to the ballads and the belting, not the uptempo hoedown numbers.
Randy: “It was alright.”
Paula: “Definitely better than last week.
Simon: “It sounded like Chikezie was on harmonica. The problem was the track sounded terrible and amateurish. You chose a mediocre song that didn’t show the best of your ability.”

SURPRISE OF THE WEEK: Brooke White’s mediocrity
PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Carly Smithson
GOING, GOING GONE: Kristy Lee Cook

The H-Town Massacre

People across the sports radio spectrum will undoubtedly talk about how the Rockets were "exposed" last night.
"They can't defend the inside," they will say.
"They have no post presence."
"They're too reliant on the outside shot."
Those reactionaries will gloat and say "I told you so" and predict a swift first-round exit for Houston come the postseason. I can almost hear them already.
Those people will also miss the entire point of last night's game. Wednesday was not about the end of a historic run or the reality check for a supposedly flukish team. Wednesday was about the Celtics putting the exclamation point on their regular season and proving, once and for all, that they are for real. And not just Eastern Conference real. Larry O'Brien trophy real.
All season long, I have been certain that the Pistons would win the East. Mostly, I have thought this because there seems to be a general misconception that these are your father's Pistons, that Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince and Chauncey Billups and Rasheed Wallace are the keys to their success. This could not be more wrong.
The 2008 Pistons, in actuality, are shaped just as much by the pressure defense of Aaron Afflalo (and Rodney Stuckey) and the inside muscle of Jason Maxiell as they are by the veterans in the starting five. They are a team built on depth, not star power.
For the first time all year, though, I am doubting myself.
After watching the Celtics manhandle the Rockets, I cannot help but think that I have underrated Boston's defense. Sure, I knew that they were ranked No. 1 in all the relevant defensive statistical categories. I knew that they took fewer shots per game than any team in the NBA yet still managed to win the most. And that counted for something.
But not until they completely shut down the Rockets' perimeter game did I become a true believer. It was Paul Pierce, who seemed as energetic on defense as he did with the ball in his hands. It was Rajon Rondo, who wouldn't let T-Mac inside the 3-point line, let alone inside the paint. It was even, in stretches, supposedly offensive-minded guys like Eddie House and James Posey. It was KG being his normal KG self.
The Rockets didn't just have trouble scoring. They had trouble even getting shots off.
Let's just say I came away impressed.
And now, I can't seem to get this crazy image out of my head: Brian Scalabrine polishing his championship ring.
Hell just might have frozen over.

On Melville's Bartleby

Tonight, I read Herman Melville's short story Bartleby, the Scrivener.
Quite an adventurous way to spend a Saturday evening, I know.
(What exactly is a scrivener, you ask? Basically the 1800's version of a Xerox machine. Before there were means to copy documents, humans had to do it. Oh, and once they were done, they also had to go back compare the original with the copy to make sure each and every word was correct. And you thought Excel spreadsheets were tedious.)
Anyways, Bartleby tells the story of a strange man who goes to work on Wall Street. He first loses his will to work, then loses his will to do anything at all. He takes up residence in his new office, without even asking his boss, then refuses to leave when asked to do so. Eventually, he is forced out by the police and dies in jail, fittingly when he loses the will even to eat.
"I'd prefer not to," he politely says in the face of all queries.
It's a pretty awesome story, told by an anonymous (and egomaniacal, if you ask me) narrator.
And here's what I couldn't get out of my head: The unremitting and interminable nature of discontent in the workplace.
I mean, this is a story published in 1853, well over one hundred years ago. It's just good to know that people were still bitching about their jobs then, and that they will continue to bitch long after I am gone. I don't know why that is so comforting to me, but it really is.
I even get the sense that Melville wrote this thing while muttering under his breath. How couldn't he have been? He puts out Moby Dick in 1851, two years earlier, and the thing is a complete and total flop — commercially speaking. It's Moby freaking Dick, and yet no one gives gives a crap. So he writes this short story that is even less accessible, one with no whale chases or crazy peg-legged captains to spice things up. This one, instead, is just about a guy who goes to work and doesn't feel like doing anything. And then he dies.
Bartleby, the Scriver: Melville's elevated middle finger to the rest of the world.

*Whenever I read a "classic," I try to go in totally blind on first reading. Afterwards, I read all interpretation of the work. That should explain my above ignorance of all the other supposed themes in Bartleby (the story as a response to Emerson, the roll of charity, etc.): I try to write what my thoughts were in the immediate aftermath, not what I should have noticed before various term papers made me feel exceedingly stupid about my own exegesis.

American Idol: The Final Dozen

Let the mockery begin. Yes, I have caved. I either have no shame, or entirely too much shame. Anyway, here is the Tuesday’s American Idol wrap-up.

Format is as follows:
-Performer
-Song Performed
-My pre-judging comments
-My rating
-Judges opinions
-My post-judging thoughts

After being hit over the head 85 times with details of the new set, we kick things off. Note to FOX: No one cares about your stage or your lights or your mosh pit. Seriously.

Syesha Mercado
“Got to Get You Into My Life”
With her voice, it could have been significantly better. Certainly could have picked a better song. Considering I thought she could win this thing, unimpressive.
2.5 out of 5
Randy: “Alright.”
Paula: “A little pitchy.”
Simon: Actually liked it more than Randy. Didn’t love it, though.
*The first one up always has it rough. Usually, though, they get some leeway for that. She’s safe for this week.

Chikezie Eze
“She’s a Woman”
Goes from stripped-down bluegrass version into a rocker. Actually pretty good, though a bit overdramatic with the stage antics. Kind of Scott Stapp-like, and not in a good way. Actually, I don’t think there is such a thing as Scott Stapp in a good way. His crazy energy is going to save him, though, especially since it is out of character.
3.5 out of 5
Randy: Surprised, says he “smashed it.”
Paula: Loved the risk, says the reward paid off.
Simon: Agrees despite “the fact that you looked drunk.” Thought it was “terrific.”
*This guy has maximized his run more than anyone else, with the possible exception of Kristy Lee Cook. He should have been gone weeks ago, but this performance should keep him around. Has zero chance of winning the thing.

Ramiele Malubay
“In My Life”
Took a great song, slowed it down to a complete snail’s pace, and still managed to sap the beauty from it. I’m starting to worry if I’m taking a huge risk tonight — that these Beatles songs might be ruined forever if I keep listening to these underwhelming renditions. She made it almost into a Mariah Carey song, which is pretty damned horrible. She might have the best voice in the whole competition, but this arrangement choice really, really sucks.
3 out of 5
Randy: “Kind of pretty, but also kind of pretty boring.”
Paula: “It was pretty safe.”
Simon: “I was bored to tears the whole way through.”
*If she picks the right songs, she will make it to the top five. She is that good. If she repeats this week’s performance, though, she is a goner.

Jason Castro
“If I Fell”
Doing the acoustic guitar thing (again), sounds very coffee house. And that is exactly where he should be: playing coffee houses alongside Mark Wahlberg’s character at the end of Rock Star. The other three of you that saw that movie understand where I’m coming from. He is not an American Idol.
2.5 out of 5
Randy: “Liked it, didn’t love it.”
Paula: “I feel your heart.” Huh?
Simon: “It was a little bit student in a bedroom at midnight…Song was quite boring.”
*The exact kind of contestant I hate. He’s not going to win, but he’s not terrible enough to be voted off yet. Totally useless at this point.

Carly Smithson
“Come Together”
She’s an absolute professional. It is apparent that she has done this song many times before. Only question about her is her relatively benign stage presence. Best performance of the night, no question.
4 out of 5
Randy: “Stellar performance…not a note out of tune.”
Paula: “Felt like I was already watching a star.”
Simon: Finally chose the right song. “Reminded me of Kelly Clarkson.”
*Ladies and gentleman, your 2008 American Idol runner up. Should take the whole thing, but because David Archuleta mixes the compassion of Jesus Christ with the tenderness of a litter of kittens, will fall short. I hate voters.

David Cook
“Eleanor Rigby”
Finally gives up the guitar, explaining that the song is already powerful enough on its own. I understand why he did it, but he is so much better with the Les Paul strapped around his back. Performance is ordinary with the song until the end, when he really belts it out. Thankfully, hits some big notes. I was beginning to worry for him.
3 out of 5
Randy: “It was rockin.”
Paula: Calls him the “dark horse.” Thinks he is “fantastic.”
Simon: “I thought it was brilliant. If this show remains a talent competition instead of a popularity competition, you actually could win.”
* For the last month, David Cook has been my boy. He and the previously booted Josiah Leming were the only ones with sort of authenticity. He won’t win, and I will be tempted to stop watching. But I won’t. He’s should be fine for this week.

Brooke White
“Let it Be”
Just her and the piano. Hate to admit it, but she is actually good in spurts. Simple and true to the song, though not original at all. Just solid. Essentially plays the album version, to the letter.
2.5 out of 5
Randy: “Don’t know if this was your strongest performance.” Does call it “heartfelt.”
Paula: “This is your niche, picking songs where we can feel your heart.” What?
Simon: “One of the best performances of the night. A brilliant choice of song. It was believable.”
*Judges liked her more than I did, especially Simon. She seems to be getting a lot of family and sympathy voters, making her a threat to contend for longer than she actually should. Way too naïve and wholesome for my taste.

David Hernandez
“I Saw Her Standing There”
Really overdoes the vocal runs, almost at the end of every line. It would honestly be hard for me to dislike anyone as much as I loathe this guy. Maybe if Oprah mated with Brian Billick, there would be a chance. Just comes off as incredibly fake. PLEASE GET RID OF THIS GUY. NOW.
2.5 out of 5
Randy: “It was a little too overdone. Tried to do too much with it.”
Paula: “I feel like you kind of overdid it a little bit. Need to scale it back. Too many runs.”
Simon: “Corny, verging on desperate. Just wasn’t very cool.”
*Yes! Looks like this might be the end of the line for the former male stripper at a gay bar. Let’s just pray his boyish good looks don’t save him. (Keeping fingers crossed.)

Amanda Overmyer
“You Can’t Do That”
She has absolutely no range. Every song is the same thing, over and over and over again. Would work well if she did the Janis Joplin thing once in a while, but when it’s all you’ve got, it gets old fast. Real fast. It’s way past time for her to go. End the misery, and do it now.
2 out of 5
Randy: “You took a Beatles song and rocked it out in a Southern bar.”
Paula: “I’m blown away by you.”
Simon: “Didn’t think it was as good as last week. Slurring a lot of the words, a little shout-y… You are a breath of fresh air, though.”
*Uggh, right when the judges throw me a bone with David Hernandez, they double-cross me with Amanda. Thanks to their blessing, she will go through. Consequently, we get another week of the crappy Jefferson Airplane wannabe drag queen.

Michael Johns
“Across the Universe”
Does it acoustic. He is still one of the favorites to win this thing, but this performance was uninspired. Blah.
3 out of 5
Randy: “It was OK for me. A little sleepy.”
Paula: “It takes an inner strength and a quiet confidence to do nothing but stand in the center of the stage and sing brilliantly.”
Simon: Agrees with Randy. “A little bit monotonous. It was solid, but you have to let yourself go a little bit. We haven’t heard what you’re capable of doing.”
*For someone so likable and with this much talent, this dude show knows how to waste it. If he would just get his act together, he would be one of the final four for sure. He might be, anyway.

Kristy Lee Cook
“Eight Days a Week”
Oh. My God. That sound you hear is John Lennon puking in his grave.
Makes it into a country song. Just plain weird, despite her prior advice to do more country. She was lucky to even make it this far, so she has to be gone at this point… doesn’t she? Besides, the country thing might turn off a lot of the voters, even if it was done well. And it wasn’t done well.
2 out of 5
Randy: A little forced. “I’m torn with this one. Half and half for me.”
Paula: “I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t get it.”
Simon: “I thought it was horrendous. Sounded like Dolly Parton on helium.”
*She’s Gone. With a capital G. Not even going to waste my time with any other observations.

David Archuleta
“We Can Work It Out”
Even God fails once in a while, apparently. He forgot some of the words, he employed some strange flailing hand motions and he seemed to be genuinely unfamiliar with the song. Almost seemed like he knew he was in trouble, from the stressed out introduction to the lack of vocal confidence throughout. His worst performance so far. There’s no chance of him being voted off, though.
2.5 out of 5
Randy: “Not on point. This is not your vibe. Felt very forced, didn’t quite work for me.”
Paula: “Wasn’t your best week. It gets tough when you forget the lyrics.”
Simon: “That was a mess. Stumbled over the lyrics. It was all over the place. It was your weakest performance so far.”
*At least his subpar performance saved the audience from another moment of fake humility from The Chosen One. How many times can he act like he has never been told that he can sing before? No acting necessary this week. Just stood there and took his beating. Maybe he won’t win after all… Nah.

SURPRISE OF THE WEEK: Chikezie Eze
PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Carly Smithson
GOING, GOING, GONE: David Hernandez, Kristy Lee Cook

The uber-depressing (yet still breathtaking), heartwrenching, tear-inducing end

We should have known it all along.
We should have known it would be brilliant, because it always was.
We should have known it would be sad, because it always was.
We should have known it would be satisfying, because it always was.
The Wire is over.
And as much as it pains me to put the period on the end of the previous sentence, there is nothing I can do to change it.
All I can do is look back on the near-perfection of the final episode — what turned out to be a mirror image of the Season 1 closing.
So many good scenes, topped off by McNulty's wake at the bar.
So many flawless decisions in the storytelling process, topped by the re-usage of the Season 1 version of the theme song as pictures of a "new" Baltimore — exactly the same as the old one — glide past on the screen.
Youngsters still working the corners. Freamon back with his miniatures. Herc buying rounds at the bar. Kingpins meeting with The Greek. An underqualified police chief. Beadie back at the port. The homeless still homeless. Michael as the new Omar. Sydnor as the new McNulty. Dukie as the new Bubbles. Marlo as the new Stringer. Bunk as the same old Bunk.
Throw in Templeton accepting a Pulitzer and Rawls receiving a promotion to prove that, in fact, nice guys do always finish last.
David Simon has said it before. That while most television dramas are Shakespearian in nature — focused on the turmoil within the individual — The Wire has its roots in Greek tragedy. Man vs. Institution, that is. And the institution always wins.
We should have known.

Van Gundy taking crazy pills?

Midway through the first quarter of the Suns-Spurs game on ABC, Mike Breen and Mark Jackson got into the inevitable point guard discussion. Jackson backed Chris Paul as the best in the NBA, while Breen stuck up for Nash. Then, Jeff Van Gundy added another name to the mix... Rafer Alston.
Yes — that streetball stud, the one they call "Skip To My Lou" (and by they, I mean no one in the history of earth...still, we're told it's his nickname). Rafer freaking Alston!
Let's skip past the part where we wonder how Van Gundy got a hold of Paula Abdul's medication. His point actually underscores something real — that Alston is a big part of why the Rockets have been playing so well, especially in Yao Ming's absence.
I'll be honest: I hadn't seen Houston play much until they started this winning streak (currently at 18 games), at which point they became mandatory Tivo-ing material. And Alston, more so than anyone else, sticks out. He's averaging about 16 points and seven assists per game in that stretch, and it has been pretty clear to see that his impact on the court has stretched well beyond those numbers.
And now, after praising someone named Rafer for two consecutive paragraphs, I need a shower.
At least I didn't call him the best point guard in the NBA.